Archive for February 4, 2008

to answer a question…

Teresa, my super weightloss pal, asked me a question in the comments of a previous post and I thought I’d answer here:

“I’ve thought some of doing a blog like yours thinking that it might make me be a bit better about my goals if I had to post my weight somewhere visible. How has blogging about your adventure helped you?”

Blogging about trying to lose weight has been simultaneously very humiliating and very encouraging.  It was hard to put my initial weight (and current weight too, if I’m being honest) in writing.  Admitting to all my skinny, fit, attractive friends (and the internet) the actually number I see when I get on the scale was hard.  I used to believe that you had to wait until you were emotionally ready to lose weight, to begin changing a lifestyle based on completely unhealthy living.  I was wrong.  I was never going to feel ready, and that “I’ll start my diet on Monday” mentality had been going on for 15 years.  Monday never came, and frankly it was never going to.  I was never going to be “ready” to do this I just had to begin and it was really hard.

Part of that jumping in process, for me, was making sure as many people as possible knew what I was doing.  Too often, any diet/exercise/lifestyle changes I’d tried to make were done under the veil of secrecy and I didn’t feel accountable to anyone (not even myself).  If I screwed up no one knew but me and thus I didn’t have to face anyone about it.  This time I needed people to know what was happening so when I inevitably decided to quit I’d have to face the cacophony of voices telling me to “keep going”, “it’s worth it”, “you’ve come so far”, etc.  And believe me, the first few weeks of that ultimate loser program are some of the darkest I’ve had.  I wanted to quit every day.  My feet hurt so badly and I was so overwhelmed and tired.  The ability to write out how I was feeling and then receive positive and encouraging feedback kept me going through the tears and late night/early morning emotional breakdowns.  I likely would have quit had it not been for this little space.

Now, I’m facing a new challenge… I’m continuing on my own.  The initial ten week program helped me figure out what I needed to do, gave me some clear guidance and a trainer to keep me moving.  However, now I’m all alone trying to keep the weight loss train from derailing.  It would be very easy at this point to quit.  I don’t have a class expecting me to join them in the morning, I don’t have anyone creating new challenges for me to conquer, I don’t have anyone checking my food log and commenting on the choices I’m making, and I don’t have the familiarity of the people and place where I began my journey.  Without these things I can absolutely see how I (because I am lazy and a procrastinator) would have let myself go, gained back all the weight I lost and ended up feeling worse than ever before.  Thankfully, I have this weblog.  This place is keeping me going.  Knowing (or maybe it’s just believing) that people are reading this and care about how I’m doing keeps me going.  Yes, it’s been harder since that initial program ended but being accountable to a group of readers (even if they are just family and a few friends) makes me take a look at what I’m doing, adjust and tweak what isn’t working and continue setting goals.  This is invaluable.

So that is what blogging about my weight loss adventure has done for me.  It has helped me not be a quitter.  It has helped me be honest with myself about how my weight has affected my life.  It has allowed me to hear people talk to me about my weight without resenting them for bringing it up (and I’ve resented a whole lot of people in the past who have brought it up) because I brought it up first.

With all this said I’d like to ask readers (anyone who isn’t already) to comment and let me know what you think.  Hearing from you helps… a lot!  I have no delusions that this journey is impacting anyone but myself but it is impacting me and that is a big deal in my world.  I finally think that I can actually accomplish some of the dreams I’ve had all my life.  Those things may actually be possible.  And this is great news for a formerly, currently but no longer continuing fat girl.

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time to revamp my approach

I’ve been told weight loss is 20% exercise and 80% what you eat and I believe it.  This has been brought home to me big time this past month.  My weight loss was pretty pathetic and my caloric intake has been way, way off.  It’s time for me to get back to healthy eating.  After a weekend spent not really accounting for what I ate, I fear that I’m setting myself up for another disappointing week.  Frankly it’s not worth it.  So, I’m back on the wagon and I’ll be meticulously tracking everything I eat again.

My goal: 1200 to 1400 cal a day.

I’m also trying a new approach.  I don’t usually eat breakfast.  There are several reasons for this.  The thought of eating in the morning makes me slightly nauseous, I routinely run out of time, I have a hard time eating my calories in the morning when I’m not hungry, etc.  I’m going to need to get over this mindset.  What happens to me is that I don’t eat breakfast, I pack a lunch, which usually only contains 500 cal max for work and by the time I get home at 8 p.m. I’m starving.  This means that I eat way too much at night and have a hard time not going over my calorie limit.

This isn’t working for me anymore now that no one is watching (during the ultimate loser my trainer had access to my food log and it was extremely motivating to know he could see what I was eating).  So, I’ve decided that I need to eat more during the day, including breakfast, so I’m not starving when I get home.  Today I had  1/2 cup of granola and 1/3 cup skim milk for breakfast.  I’ve brought some snacks for work and I’m going to have some chicken on my salad at lunch to give myself some protein.  I’m hoping that this tactic will work.  Otherwise, I may have to give someone access to my bodybugg account.  Nothing like knowing you are being judged on what you eat to keep things in check!