I haven’t really been keeping up with this weightloss blog the last few weeks/months and while I can blame it on many things, in reality it’s because I’ve really stalled out. I don’t know how or why it has happened but I’m beginning to feel like I can’t do it. I’m feeling this way in spite of the fact that I have already done it (a bit). The way I felt in December when I finished the 10 week program and had lost 29 pounds, that on top of the world-I can do anything feeling, has long since disappeared and I cannot for the life of me remember what feeling that way was like.
This weightloss thing is so damn tricky. For awhile there I was feeling really good about the way I looked and the smaller space I was taking up. However, lately, I’m feeling just as huge and ugly as I did at 301 pounds. It’s a really terrible place to be. I try to workout and when I do, like I did last night, I feel great but the next day comes and I just don’t want to do it again. I had big plans for today, I was going to get up at 7 am and go for a walk/jog. I was going to spend a serious hour sweating and working myself to the limit but I set the alarm for pm and so when I opened my eyelids at 8:30 that plan was history. So I packed my gym bag instead and thought I’d make sure to go to the gym after work. If things went my way the gym tv would be set to the Biggest Loser which I love and find incredible inspiring. I could watch while I used the treadmill and stationary bike. It would all be great! When I finished at work I began to drive the right direction but instead of going right to the gym I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things and then… I went home. I still watched the Biggest Loser but I sat on the couch and ate my dinner instead of exercise.
I’m feeling a bit hopeless, overwhelmed and weepy right now (no doubt a sign that my girly system re-boot is about to begin). I need a big ol’ kick in the pants but motivation needs to come from me, from deep down inside, because it won’t work otherwise. My friend Teresa gave me a book, Where Did All the Fat Go? The Wow! Rx, that she has been reading. I’ve read about half of it so far and it is making complete sense to me. It basically is reiterating what I’ve already done, the things that I’ve already proven I can do and which work for me, are a good way to go about losing the rest. Now I just need to do them. I need to dedicate the next 6 months to really doing this. Refocus on spending 2+ hours a day exercising and watching my calorie intake. Eating whole, unprocessed food. Drinking water. Going to bed at the same time every single day and getting up at the same time every single morning and beginning the day with a good, hard, pushing myself workout. I need to do this. I know I can do it. I just need to make myself want to do this. Feeling inspired at night, when it’s too late to do anything about it, isn’t enough. I need to carry this determined feeling through the night and into the morning when it’s time to begin. Only then will I make some progress. Tomorrow it’s time to begin. It’s the rest of my life at stake.