Archive for September, 2008

oversoming stress eating… it ain’t going to be a walk in the park (okay maybe there will be some walks in the park)

The last 2 months have been hard, very hard, very freakin’ hard.  Especially in relation to my weight loss.  A wise friend of mine shared with me about how each time she has a set back she tries to take from it the lessons to be learned, to not beat herself up and move forward, armed with more knowledge.  I need to take on this approach because there have defiantly been things to learn.

In my last post I was fairly cryptic about what was going on in my life.  I don’t know it I’m dealing with it better or if talking about my diagnosis helps but I haven’t held back much about what is going on in my life, at least in this area of my life.  I have MS.  As I’m learning more and more each day, this disease is a reality for a lot of people.  It seems like everyone I talk to has a friend or family member with MS.  In someways this is helpful to me, people everywhere, everyday go on to lead very fulfilling and normal lives while under the MS cloud.  But if I’m being really honest with myself, sometimes the fact that everyone I encounter has personal experience with MS isn’t helpful to my psyche.  I feel like I’m not allowed to feel like life has given my too much to handle because so many other people are handling things with grace and aplomb.  This is not a rational way to feel, and let me assure you that I don’t often dwell on these kinds of thoughts, but they do come up none the less.

In general I don’t think about it at all.  Unless I have a reason to put my mind to my diagnosis I don’t spend a lot of time there.  At least I don’t consciously spend a lot of time dwelling.  The way I’ve been eating the last 2 months would suggest otherwise.  I’ve gained 17 pounds in the last 3 months.  That is unreal!  17 pounds of eating fast food, delivery, soda, chips, ice cream and anything else to sooth myself.  Little treats that “I totally deserve!”  I’m a stress eater and I’ve medicated my freaked out soul with pizza and breadsticks.  All the things I’ve learned about eating well and living healthy were thrown out the window in the face of a major life crisis and while I don’t feel bad that I’ve been stressed out and sad, I do feel bad that I now must undo the damage. It’s time to learn from the setback.

The Sports Academy, which has sponsored the last 2 weight loss competitions I participated in, announced another round several weeks ago.  I couldn’t join this time.  Along with MS, I’ve also acquired an outrageous amount of medical bills.  MRI’s, CAT scans, spinal taps and scads of blood work along with ongoing, long term, $240 a month after insurance drug therapy has overwhelmed my poor bank account.  I’ve been frantically trying to figure out how to cover these costs and have eliminated many of the “extras” from my budget like cable, craft clubs, movies, etc.  Registering for this newest Ultimate Loser just wasn’t in the financial cards for me.

That is until a friend showed up at my house with the registration fees all paid for for a 6 am workout time.  Through her help I’m again participating in workout hell and I’m so happy to be there.  Today was our first team workout and while the first day is more administrative that actually physically challenging I was overjoyed to be there.  I have a few friends on my team, trainers that I’ve worked with before and liked and a sense of overall excitement to work my butt off again.

I know that my stress isn’t going anywhere.  If anything it’s increasing as I make critical decisions about delaying drug therapy and preparing for the possibility of long term disability.  My stress level is at an all time high.  However, if I can be this worried and fight my need to self sooth with hamburgers and chinese food, if I can find ways to deal with the stress in a productive way that won’t derail my goals, if I can lose weight I think these next 8 weeks will prove to be priceless.

So I’m blogging about my weight loss adventures again.  I’m starting a new mini goal to lose 15% of my weight in 8 weeks (39 pounds) and you all get to take the ride with me.  So here we go again:

Starting weight: 260