Archive for October, 2008

don’t give a damn about my bad reputation…

Actually if I’m being honest I kinda do care but it would seem that the gap between caring & ceasing the behavior the gives me a bad rep is too wide.

I ran into a friend this morning who had been on my two previous UL teams. Jen is great and as we were catching up she asked about my MS diagnosis.*

*aside: I’ve go no idea how people are finding out about this. Yeah, I haven’t been super secretive about it but I’m always surprise by the people who approach me and ask about the MS.

I told her what I tell everyone which is that overall I’m feeling good and I’m also feeling very motivated to become healthy and strong so that if I end up with a walker or in a wheelchair I’m not a fat person with limited mobility but rather a healthy (thin) person who’s legs don’t cooperate. She then told me she’d been told I was being very positive about the whole thing and I jokingly said “yeah, most of the time, I have my moments.” Then Jen, with a smirk on her face, quickly assured me that she was only referring to my attitude about having MS and that she was well aware that I still complain, a lot, about exercising. It would appear that my attitude proceeds me in all things fitness related 🙂

So far this week has been okay. Mostly just more of the same but I’m really trying hard to get my caloric burn to over 4000 calories everyday while keeping my caloric intake below 1400.  It has been hard to do and I feel, more than ever, that I have no life outside of work and the gym (I’m also craving chocolate with a mad, mad passion but that is another issue ;-). Don’t get me wrong, it’s rewarding to see that 4000+ burn when I download my bodybugg information. I just wish it didn’t take so much time on the treadmill to get it! I’m running (okay it’s more like a jog) more than ever and can see some progress with my stamina.  I can now run 45 seconds/walk 1 minute for 30 minutes and yesterday I ran a 16.5 minute mile. That, my friends, is a big deal in my world!

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half way there… sort of

Last Friday marked the end of the 4th Ultimate Loser week during this 8 week run.  It’s hard to believe that this is my 3rd time participating in this program and overall I’d say that I’m really happy that I’ve had the opportunity to learn so much about myself while losing weight.

A year ago I weighed over 300 pounds. When I started my first Ultimate Loser I officially tipped the scale at 301 pounds and several months before that, at my doctors office, I weighed 312.  I now weigh 248, after having dropped 3.8 pounds last week.  All together I’ve lost 64 pounds in a little over a year.  In many ways this doesn’t seem like enough but if I can maintain this pace I’ll get to my overall goal in 1 more year.  Next October I’ll be smokin’ hot! And while being able to wear the clothes that reflect my true style will be a huge reward, even better will be the knowledge that I’ve done all I can to lead a normal, healthy life. It’s unfortunate that life threw a sucktacular illness at me but being able to take charge of things rather than letting the illness take over is very empowering.  I’m even thinking that as a reward for working so hard and accomplishing so much I’ll have to take myself to Antarctica. That way I’ll have tackled 2 goals.

Speaking of goals my friend Teresa has some goals that I’ve set for myself.  We are working towards participating in the Portland marathon next October.  My amazing friend Chelle ran it this year and I’ve been so excited for her.  Watching her prepare and then accomplishing such a huge goal has been incredibly inspiring to me.  I don’t enjoy running (yet?) but if I could complete a marathon, all 26.2 miles of it, I think it would be monumental.  Worthy of traveling south to hiking the glaciers of Antarctica I think!

As for the immediate future… I’ve got 4 more weeks working with my 6 am group and the trainers.  4 more weeks of focused time.  My 6 am workout friends are really kicking themselves into high gear and every day, every week are working so f***ing hard.  They are my inspiration to really up my game as well.  I haven’t had the world’s greatest weightloss results this past 4 weeks (a total reflection of my inability to control myself around halloween candy!) but if I really put my whole heart into things I can end this challenge feeling great about my results.

Starting Weight: 260
Week 1:  260.8
Week 2:  253.8
Week 3:  252.2
Week 4:  248

week 3 is OVER!

This was definitely a hard week for me emotionally.  I didn’t bounce back very well from my feelings of inadequacy at Saturday’s challenge and those same feelings of failure and self loathing followed me into this week.  At best I’m a reluctant exerciser and at worst I’m completely pissed off about it.  I also tend to vocalize a lot of negative self-talk and I was spewing the “I can’t”s and “I hate”s pretty frequently.  In my head I’m going to do it and I’m going to give it my best but externally all anyone ever hears is my bad attitude shining through. I’m sure I’m a joy to workout with. Perhaps this is why, in general, I prefer to exercise alone. It’s not as effective but at least I spare people my grumpiness.

Monday, Tuesday & especially Wednesday, when we did yoga, I was at the angry end of my emotional spectrum.  I hate yoga with the fire of a thousand suns. I cannot bend the ways that are required because of my monster rolls of fat and I feel like such an utter loser in a class with others who are bending and balancing with ease. Now I know it wasn’t cake for many people in my class but I still felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I cannot kneel and sit on my feet, I cannot do the stretches and forget about balancing on one foot, ain’t gonna happen! It is also really hard on my wrists to support all of my weight on my hands in many of the poses. I had to nurse them with ibuprofen and ice when I got home from work Wednesday night. I truly hope we don’t have any more “relaxing” days ahead of us!

However, my emotions during Thursday’s class were so much better. I even spent time laughing and having fun while working out. I’m so grateful to have a handful of people in my class who are supportive and fun (shout out to Teresa, Josh & Robert! Thanks for being fun). They make things go so much smoother and keep my mind off the torture of squats and step ups!

Today marked the end of our 3rd week and so after we weighed in, we headed to the stadium for stairs. I really hate the stairs but through time have come to realize that they are good for me. I tried, and was successful for about 6 weeks, this summer to visit the stadium on Friday mornings to face my stair demon. I figure that I need to face the things that have been hardest and overcome them if I’m ever to feel like I can be a physically active and fit person. Those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning might remember my feelings about the stadium, I’ve come along way since then. I don’t love them and they are still hella hard but I can do it. I just plug in my angry workout music, put my head down and bang it out. It still takes me much longer than most people, but I can do it and feel okay afterward. And that, my friends, is progress!

Starting Weight: 260
Week 1:  260.8
Week 2:  253.8
Week 3:  252.2  *(2.2 pounds)

*So yeah, I’m kinda disappointed about my number this week. I really tried hard. I was getting at least 1.5 hours of exercise in the mornings and M, W & Th I went back to the gym for an additional 40 minutes. Seriously, I should be losing more! Next week better be great or I’ll scream.

week two, over and done with

I’ve finished yet another ultimate loser week and this time I’ve had some pretty good results. Rather than gaining an unfortunate .8 pounds I lost it plus 6 more. Yup, I lost 6.8 pounds this week. And there was much rejoicing! 

I was going to recount for you my time in spinning class on Thursday but I was visited by a fabulous migraine Wednesday night, a migraine that induced vomiting thus leaving me reluctant to spin even more passionately. I skipped class that morning and while I received a passive-aggressive e-mail about missing classes I don’t regret it at all. I cannot imagine a more complete kind of hell that being in a spin class whilst suffering from a migraine headache!

Today, Saturday, we had our first group competition.  We had to “run” a 5k and I was in no way prepared for it. In the past our first competitions have been at a local grocery store and a little less physically taxing. Last time we had to run to the store but it was only a few blocks, so when the ul director announced our challenge I just about died. I’m currently “running” about a 17 minute mile.  This means it would take me nearly an hour to go 5k! We also had little “calorie stations” along the way that had to ce completed before the team could move on. So the bulk of the team would just sit at the stations waiting for me. Suck! I absolutely hate slowing others down. I’m fine with how I did on a personal level. I accomplished something big and hard! But in light of how it effected the team I feel like poo. We lost and we’ll never win. I can’t do anything about that but I can lose pounds. I can work hard in our morning workouts and help the team along to an overall victory so that’s what I need to worry about.

Beginning weight: 260
1st week: 260.8
2nd week: 254

treking along

This week has been pretty much business as usual as far as my training class goes.  We’ve done some cardio, some upper body and today we did some lower body stuff.  I conveniently forgot how much I hate lunges and drill type activities but here I was today lunging, squatting and bear crawling down the gym.  I guess these are the activities I must resign myself too so resign myself I will.

Monday was a grumpy morning and I spent most of the morning in a rather pissed off kind of mood.  I suspect this was due to lack of sleep and thankfully it hasn’t spilt into the rest of my week.  I’m not yet sure what to think of my team.  I totally love having Teresa there but other than her and Josh I’m not feeling much like much of a cohesive group.  We have a group challenge competition on Saturday and perhaps that activity will solidify us as a team.  I hope so because one of my favorite things about this weight loss program is the feeling of family you get working out with the same group of people every morning.

I have managed to get to the gym earlier so far this week and on those mornings that I didn’t get there quite as early as I should have I did stay after to work some more.  I’ve also have an incredibly active preschool storytime this week of dancing and I’ve danced with preschoolers twice a day all week.  On monday I figured that I’d burned 400 calories just during storytime and my daily calorie burns have been over 4000 every day.  That is unreal.  I usually reach about 3300 in a day when I just doing my regular workouts.  I’m thinking I need to dance during storytime every week.  I wonder how I can make that happen with next weeks them of autumn.  hmmmmm……

Tomorrow we’re spinning so I’m sure I’ll have something exciting to report after that.  Maybe I’ll do what others have done and duct tape a towel to my bicycle seat.  That could work!

Week 1… not as planned

Well, we’ve completed our first week, at least as far as the weigh-ins go.  I started at 260 on Monday and was really hoping for a fabulous number.  After all when you watch the biggest loser on tv the first week the contestants always post a-mazing numbers.  I was looking for a 5 or higher, so when I stepped on the scale I was mortified to see that I had gained .8 pounds.  I seriously hate that.

Now on reflection I know there were a few elements playing against me.  We only had 4 workout days since the last weigh-in.  I have had a hard time getting to the gym as early as I need to, most mornings I only get about 15 minutes of extra time in.  I also was really hoping to avoid workouts after work and didn’t do any this week.  I’m hoping that with some serious adjustments I can fix these things and that next week I’ll post an awesome number.

So here’s the plan:

  • I’m going to get to the gym as close to 5 am as I can, if I fail to get at least 45 minutes extra in before class I’ll stay after class 45 minutes.  I’m hoping this will get me there early because I really don’t want to be there until 8
  • I’m going to take a walk on my lunch break. I can eat at my desk most days and so when I get to take my 45 minutes for lunch I can take that time to go on a walk.
  • I’m going to really push myself during class even when I don’t want to.

I’m hoping these tactics will help.  If I’m going to lose 39 pounds I’ve got to get moving!

I also want to share a little about this first week.  We have team trainers this time around, Alissa & Shelly.  I really like them both and I really appreciate how they think about what they are doing with our time to make it effective.  We have an upper body day and a lower body day each week so we can build some strength.  We have cardio days which are super calorie burners and from what I can tell they will try to vary things up with kickboxing, running, stairs, relays, etc.  We also began with some fitness tests that we’ll repeat on the last day so we can know how far we’ve come.  I’m really excited by this.  I’ve never thought to keep track of how many crunches I can do in a minute, or how many laps I can run around the track in a certain amount of time but I think it will be incredibly helpful to be able to measure that progress.  So let me tell you where I stand right now.

As of Monday I can do:

  • 40 crunches in 1 minutes
  • run 5.5 laps in 6 minutes (13.5 laps is a mile)
  • 17 push ups before I break form

This week has been good.  I’m feeling good and I’m still so glad I’m there.  It’s good to be pushed to my limits and to know I’m taking care of myself.  I’m also very glad to have my friend Teresa on my team.  I didn’t realize what a difference having her there would make to me.  It’s been great.  I also need to thank everyone who has been supportive to me.  I’ve been very blessed all week and need to shout “THANK YOU” to you all.  It seriously makes me want to cry.  Thanks.

September 29th Starting Weight: 260
Week 1 Weight: 260.8