week 3 is OVER!

This was definitely a hard week for me emotionally.  I didn’t bounce back very well from my feelings of inadequacy at Saturday’s challenge and those same feelings of failure and self loathing followed me into this week.  At best I’m a reluctant exerciser and at worst I’m completely pissed off about it.  I also tend to vocalize a lot of negative self-talk and I was spewing the “I can’t”s and “I hate”s pretty frequently.  In my head I’m going to do it and I’m going to give it my best but externally all anyone ever hears is my bad attitude shining through. I’m sure I’m a joy to workout with. Perhaps this is why, in general, I prefer to exercise alone. It’s not as effective but at least I spare people my grumpiness.

Monday, Tuesday & especially Wednesday, when we did yoga, I was at the angry end of my emotional spectrum.  I hate yoga with the fire of a thousand suns. I cannot bend the ways that are required because of my monster rolls of fat and I feel like such an utter loser in a class with others who are bending and balancing with ease. Now I know it wasn’t cake for many people in my class but I still felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I cannot kneel and sit on my feet, I cannot do the stretches and forget about balancing on one foot, ain’t gonna happen! It is also really hard on my wrists to support all of my weight on my hands in many of the poses. I had to nurse them with ibuprofen and ice when I got home from work Wednesday night. I truly hope we don’t have any more “relaxing” days ahead of us!

However, my emotions during Thursday’s class were so much better. I even spent time laughing and having fun while working out. I’m so grateful to have a handful of people in my class who are supportive and fun (shout out to Teresa, Josh & Robert! Thanks for being fun). They make things go so much smoother and keep my mind off the torture of squats and step ups!

Today marked the end of our 3rd week and so after we weighed in, we headed to the stadium for stairs. I really hate the stairs but through time have come to realize that they are good for me. I tried, and was successful for about 6 weeks, this summer to visit the stadium on Friday mornings to face my stair demon. I figure that I need to face the things that have been hardest and overcome them if I’m ever to feel like I can be a physically active and fit person. Those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning might remember my feelings about the stadium, I’ve come along way since then. I don’t love them and they are still hella hard but I can do it. I just plug in my angry workout music, put my head down and bang it out. It still takes me much longer than most people, but I can do it and feel okay afterward. And that, my friends, is progress!

Starting Weight: 260
Week 1:  260.8
Week 2:  253.8
Week 3:  252.2  *(2.2 pounds)

*So yeah, I’m kinda disappointed about my number this week. I really tried hard. I was getting at least 1.5 hours of exercise in the mornings and M, W & Th I went back to the gym for an additional 40 minutes. Seriously, I should be losing more! Next week better be great or I’ll scream.

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4 Comments »

  1. Teresa Said:

    Next week will be great, and then we CAN scream– only it will be a happy scream! 🙂 Here’s to a GREAT week!

  2. mok Said:

    Better attitude more weight loss? We missed you this weekend. Grand babies are great! Abby sweet, Mace quite lovely, Jake sooo grown up, and Dev beautiful as only a 5 month old grandbaby can be.

  3. Lisa Said:

    Nobody I know looks forward to exercise and isn’t grumpy about it to begin with. In fact, I am postponing getting on my twirler this morning by reading your blog! I am secretly hoping that I’ll run out of time to do it *sigh* but I know I’ll feel crummier if I don’t get going. I’m glad that you have some buds and that the week started to turn up for you at the end of it. I love your progressed attitude about the stairs. I didn’t know that you had done extra there! Great for you! Music is a great tool! You are awesome, my friend!

  4. Hey! Your Blog is awesome! I’m so glad that I have you in my group again, it was so great to see a friendly face that early in the morning…Send me your e-mail address so I can send you an invite for my blog.


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